The most asked question I get about my trip is “How can you afford it?”. The second most asked question is “Is it hard to do?” I usually have a couple smart ass replies ready…”I don’t know, I haven’t left yet” is one of my favs. Maybe what I should say is “No harder than living a life I’m not meant to live”.
I actually don’t think it will be as hard as one might think to leave the safe and normal world of “home”. After all, I spent countless summers at sleep away camp growing up. I uprooted myself from the only home I had ever known to move 900 miles away for college. I moved another few hundred miles away for grad school. I’ve spent about 6 months total exploring every country in Central America (5 of those months on my own). I regularly go on adventures by myself. Eating dinner out alone does not intimidate me. I am woman hear me roar.
No, the actual doing isn’t what worries me. I think it will be far harder to convince myself that I deserve to live the life I want to lead. It seems like many of us are very good at convincing ourselves that we aren’t worthy of what we really want. It’s something we are brought up with. Society convinces us that we have to work extremely hard for most of our lives, usually doing something we hate, before we deserve to enjoy ourselves. Pretty much every religion teaches us that we aren’t worthy. After all, what are humans, but lesser, unworthy versions of gods? Is there a religion out there that doesn’t employ some version of ‘Catholic Guilt’ to shape it’s followers’ actions?
***Side note: Please understand that I am not attacking religion. I believe that there is some kind of higher power out there, though my definition of God is probably more loose than most. I believe in an inclusive world and support the idea that many religions may be ‘true’. Who’s to say my God isn’t your God and his God and her gods etc. with a different ‘face’. Anyway, back to the main topic***
My point is/was that believing that I’m ‘worth it’ is something I’ve struggled with all my life and is a topic that many have difficulty broaching. Believing that I deserve to live this transitory, nomadic, spontaneous, irregular, chaotic, anything but ‘normal’ life that I desperately want and need and crave has been an uphill battle and I’m not at the peak yet. But I can see it. I’m getting closer. Immediately shooting myself down is now not always my first response.
So. Is it hard to do, deciding to leave everything you know behind to jump into the unknown? Yes…but not for the reasons you may think